How Not To Get Invited Back To A Circle
— concept by Azriel LittleHawk, with edits and ammendments by Turok and contributors
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How Not To Get Invited Back To A Circle
— concept by Azriel LittleHawk, with edits and ammendments by Turok and contributors
|
Never summon Anything you can’t banish.
Never put asafoetida on the rocks in the sweat lodge.
Do not attempt to walk more than 10 paces while wearing all of your ritual jewelry, dream bags and crystals at the same time.
When proposing to initiate someone, do not mention the Great Rite, leer, and say, “Hey, your trad or mine?”
Never laugh at someone who is skyclad. They can see you, too.
Never, ever set the Witch on fire.
Looking at nifty pictures is not a valid path to mastering the ancient grimoires. Please read thoroughly and carefully from beginning to end so that your madness and gibberings will at least make some sense.
A good grasp of ritual and ritual techniques are essential! In the event of a random impaling, or other accidental death amongst the participants, (see next rule) a quick thinker can improvise to ensure successful completion of the Rite. Make them another sacrifice, Demons like those.
Watch where you wave the sharp pointy items.
Avoid walking through disembodied spirits.
Carry an all purpose translators dictionary in case the ritual leader begins talking in some strange and unknown language.
Avoid joining your life force to anything with glowing red eyes.
If asked to sign a contract or pact and you are experiencing doubts or reservations, sign your neighbors name. Malevolent entities rarely ask for photo ID.
Blood is thicker than water. Soak ritual garments an extra 30-45 minutes.
While drunken weaving may be mistaken for ecstatic dancing, slurring the names of Deities is generally considered bad form.
If a need is urgent then you can work at any time and picture the full moon or rising dawn whose energies you need, even at a different time of the month or at darkest midnight.
Sometimes the nature of the ritual will dictate the timing. For example, a new beginning spell can be launched on any new date; the first day of the month, the first day of the year, any Sunday, the first day of the week, the first hour after dawn or at the crescent moon when it first appears in the sky. Best of all is the first hour after dawn on a Sunday, which is ruled by the Sun, and so offers a double dose of power for that new beginning.
by Everfool
You Know You’re a Chaote When…
Never summon Anything you can’t banish.
Never put asafoetida on the rocks in the sweat lodge.
Do not attempt to walk more than 10 paces while wearing all of your ritual jewelry, dream bags and crystals at the same time.
When proposing to initiate someone, do not mention the Great Rite, leer, and say, “Hey, your trad or mine?”
Never laugh at someone who is skyclad. They can see you, too.
Never, ever set the Witch on fire.
Looking at nifty pictures is not a valid path to mastering the ancient grimoires. Please read thoroughly and carefully from beginning to end so that your madness and gibberings will at least make some sense.
A good grasp of ritual and ritual techniques are essential! In the event of a random impaling, or other accidental death amongst the participants, (see next rule) a quick thinker can improvise to ensure successful completion of the Rite. Make them another sacrifice, Demons like those.
Watch where you wave the sharp pointy items.
Avoid walking through disembodied spirits.
Carry an all purpose translators dictionary in case the ritual leader begins talking in some strange and unknown language.
Avoid joining your life force to anything with glowing red eyes.
If asked to sign a contract or pact and you are experiencing doubts or reservations, sign your neighbors name. Malevolent entities rarely ask for photo ID.
Blood is thicker than water. Soak ritual garments an extra 30-45 minutes.
While drunken weaving may be mistaken for ecstatic dancing, slurring the names of Deities is generally considered bad form.
You may be a TechnoPagan if…
If your athame has a SCSI interface…
If your OBE’s begin with a netsplit…
If your priest robes conceal a pocket protector…
If you calculate the phases of the moon with Windows ’95…
If your altar has a keyboard…
If drawing down a circle is a POST (power on self test)…
If you call the Watch Towers on your cell-tell…
If you do most of your correspondence by email and sign off with Blessed Be…
If you don’t call it a ritual, you call it a Macro…
If you end a circle with Ctl-Alt-Del…
If you have ever attached ribbons to a May Pole using a staple gun…
If you invite the God and Goddess to come online…
If you keep a Disk of Shadows (with encrypted backups)…
If you participate in online rituals more than you do FTF…
If you refer to eclectic ritual as cross-platforming…
If your Beltane ritual includes more than one news group…
If your candles have batteries…
If your cauldron is a crock-pot…
If your deities include Murphy and Gates…
If your drumming is done on a CD player (pre-recorded)…
If your herbs are always mail-ordered (express, overnight)…
If your idea of a great retreat has a Computer City, electricity, and a TV nearby…
If your incense is by Glade…
If your magic wand is a light pen…
If your magical name, email address, and online name are all the same…
If your magical writing is done in binary code or C++…
If your pentacle is made of computer chips…
If your technician compains about the wax and incense ash on your motherboard…
If, instead of asking what tradition someone comes from, you ask what operating system they run…
If your Yule ritual involves defragmentation…
If your coven is spread over a 12,000 sq. mi. area…
If your Book of Shadows has a 6-digit version number…
If you refer to deities using 3-letter acronyms (ODN, LKI, THR)…
If you do cord magick with ethernet…
If you ritually down your server for Samhain…
If your altar cloth is a mouse pad…
If, when your quarter candles burn out, the UPS backup system kicks in…
If erecting the temple entails formatting more than 4 disks…
If casteing the circle changes an (int) to a (float)…
If your Star Trek screen-saver signals when your meditation period is over…
If your Beltane ritual includes more than one news group…
If passing the cakes and ale entails using a /me command…
If your search for truth involves regular expressions…
If your familiar is a computer mouse…
If you draw down the moon using a light-pen…
If your cone of power has a surge suppressor…
If your tarot cards multi-task…
If your daemons collect news for you…
If your crystal ball has a horizontal-hold control…
If you refer to solitary practice as a stand alone…
If you tap into the collective unconscious using Netscape…
If your favorite deity has a homepage…
If the address of your covenstead begins with http://…
and finally, if your circle is a token ring…
Well, you just might be a TechnoPagan!
CANDLE COLORS AND WHAT TO USE THEM FOR BLACK: Meditation rituals Hexwork Uncrossing rituals Spells to banish evil entities and negative forces Protection Repelling negativity Binding Shapeshifting BLUE: Magick that involves honor Loyalty Peace Tranquility Truth Wisdom Protection during sleep Astral projection To induce prophetic dreams Good fortune Opening blocked communication Spiritual inspiration Calm Reassurance Gently moving Element of water Creativity BROWN: Locate lost objects Improve powers of concentration and telepathy Protection of familiars and household pets Influence friendships Special favors GOLD: Attract the power of the cosmic influences Rituals to honor solar deities Wealth The God Promote winning Safety and power of the male Happiness Playful humor GRAY: Spells to neutralize negative influences GREEN: Fertility Success Good luck Prosperity Money Rejuvenation Ambition Rituals to counteract greed and jealousy Earth Mother Physical healing Monetary success Abundance Tree and plant magick Growth Element of Earth Personal goals ORANGE: Spells to stimulate energy Business goals Property deals Ambition Career goals General success Justice Legal matters Selling Action PINK: Love Friendship Romantic love Planetary good will Healing of emotions Peace Affection Romance Partnerships of emotional maturity Caring Nurturing PURPLE: Psychic manifestations Healing Power Success Independence Household protection Influencing people in high places Third eye Psychic ability Spiritual power Self assurance Hidden knowledge RED: Fertility rites Aphrodisiacs Sexual passion Love Health Physical strength Revenge Anger Willpower Courage Magnetism Energy Element of Fire Career goals Fast action Lust Blood of the Moon Vibrancy Driving force Survival SILVER: Remove negativity Encourage stability Attract the influences of the Goddess Telepathy Clairvoyance Clairaudience Psychometry Intuition Dreams Astral energies Female power Communication The Goddess WHITE: Consecration rituals Meditation Divination Exorcism Healing Clairvoyance Truth Peace Spiritual strength Lunar energy Spirituality The Goddess Higher self Purity Virginity Substitute for any other color YELLOW: Confidence Attraction Charm Persuasion The Sun Intelligence Accelerated learning Memory Logical imagination Breaking mental blocks Selling yourself
CANDLE COLORS AND WHAT THEY MEAN
White:
A balance of all colors; Spiritual enlightenment, cleansing, clairvoyance, healing, truth seeking; Rituals involving lunar energy. May be substituted for any color candle.
Yellow:
Activity, Creativity, unity; brings power of concentration and imagination to a ritual; use in rituals where you wish to gain anothers confidence or persuade someone, or in rituals that require solar energy.
Gold:
Fosters understanding and attracts the powers of cosmic influences; beneficial in rituals intended to bring about fast luck or money, or in rituals needing solar energy.
Pink:
Promotes romance, friendship; standard color for rituals to draw affections; a color of femininity, honor, service, brings friendly, lively conversation to the dinner table.
Red:
Health, passion, love, fertility, strength, courage, will power; increases magnetism in rituals; draws Aries and Scorpio energy.
Silver:
Removes negativity and encourages stability; helps develop psychic abilities; attracts the influence of the Mother Goddess.
Purple:
Power, success, idealism, psychic manifestations; ideals for rituals to secure ambitions, independence, financial rewards, or to make contact with the spiritual other world; increases Neptune energy.
Magenta:
Combination of red and violet that oscillates on a high frequency; energizes rituals where immediate action and high levels of power or spiritual healing are required.
Brown:
Earthly, balanced color; for rituals of material increase; eliminates indecisiveness; improves powers of concentration, study, telepathy; increases financial success; locates objects that have been lost.
Indigo:
Color of inertia; stops situations or people; use in rituals that require a deep meditational state; or in rituals that demand Saturn energy.
Royal Blue:
Promotes laughter and joviality; color or loyalty; use to attract Jupiter energy, or whenever an influence needs to be increased.
Light Blue:
Spiritual color; helpful in devotional or inspirational meditations; brings peace and tranquillity to the home; radiates Aquarius energy; employ where a situation must be synthesized.
Blue:
Primary spiritual color; for rituals to obtain wisdom, harmony, inner light, or peace; confers truth and guidance.
Emerald Green:
Important component in Venusian rituals; attracts love, social delights, and fertility.
Dark Green:
Color of ambition, greed, and jealousy; counteracts these influences in a ritual.
Green:
Promotes prosperity, fertility, success; stimulates rituals for good luck, money, harmony, and rejuvenation.
Gray:
Neutral color useful when pondering complex issues during meditation; in magic, this color often sparks confusion; it also negates or neutralizes a negative influence.
Black:
Opens up the deeper levels of the unconscious; use in rituals to induce a deep meditational state, or to banish evil or negativity as in uncrossing rituals; attracts Saturn energy.
The ritual feast is pureed.
Last Beltaine the coven decided it would be nice to go out to dinner to celebrate.
The last time you tried to do a spiral dance your oxygen feeds got tangled.
Viagra is kept in the coven supplies.
The maiden of the coven is a grandmother.
The ritual room is outfitted with defibrillators.
The coveners drive their RV’s to Scottsdale for Mabon.
When you are at a festival you go to bed at sunset.
It takes the whole coven to move the cauldron.
The high priest still has a vendetta going against Richard Nixon.
You find yourself using your pendulum over the stock pages in the newspaper.
You tell an initiate that in your day you had to slog through five feet of snow uphill both ways when you did a Yule ritual.
You drop your teeth in the ritual cup.
At Samhain you see more of your coveners in the Wild Hunt than you do in circle.
You put your athame in the chalice during ritual but you can’t remember why.
You hold an all night blow-out drum frenzy and none of your neighbors noticed.
You use Glenn Miller records for trance music.
All of your ritual robes are tie-dyed
Your coven has a 401(k) retirement plan.
A nitro pill vial replaces the crystal on your pendant.
No one’s successfully jumped the Beltaine fire since 1983.
When the coven sings, “Creak and groan, creak and groan . . .”
When you set comfy chairs around the circle.
When you sit on the floor and can’t get up again.
You do anointings with Aspercreme.
The oak tree your coven planted died of old age.
You use Bran Muffins and Prune Juice for Cakes & Ale because you need the extra fiber.
You don’t use salt to consecrate you altar because you need to stay away from extra sodium.
You use a walker during the Wild Hunt
You prefer to rent a Hall for rituals because the bathrooms are closer.
You need a flashlight to find the candles.
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