Laugh-A-Day for 10/25: How Not To Get Invited Back To A Circle

How Not To Get Invited Back To A Circle


  1. Take the ritual sword from the altar and make sounds like Darth Vader — “Luke, I am your father!” — and start making light saber noises.
  2. Start skat-singing when chanting.
  3. Take the ritual athame from the altar and start cleaning your nails with it.
  4. When taking a sip of the ritual wine, act like a wine snob and comment on it.
  5. When doing the spiral dance, make it a Conga line.
  6. Call down the Goddess with “Get your ass down here, Big Momma!”
  7. Call down the God with “Our father, who art in heaven …”
  8. When chanting the names of the Goddess, randomly include Pokemon names.
  9. When being smudged, complain vehemently about second-hand smoke.
  10. In a drumming circle, laugh insanely and start drumming the beat to Wipe Out!
  11. Ask the people in the circle “When are we all gonna git nekked?”
  12. When in a skyclad circle, randomly point and laugh.
  13. When the ritual wine goblet is passed to you, chug it and ask for more.
  14. Invoke Satan.
  15. Take out a Bible and start evangelizing.
  16. Light-up a cigar.
  17. Bring a cute furry creature and offer it as a blood sacrifice.
  18. Talk a lot about casting spells for revenge against people who have offended you.
  19. At a handfasting say “Thank God! Maybe now i’ll get some grandchildren!”
  20. When in circle, answer your cell phone.
  21. Respond to “So Mote it Be!” with “Amen!”
  22. Invite people to “Come to the dark side.”
  23. Bring you kids and ask the group to invoke the baby sitting Goddess.

     

concept by Azriel LittleHawk, with edits and ammendments by Turok and contributors

 

Turok Cabana

Reclaiming: The Etiquette of Witchcraft

Reclaiming: The Etiquette of Witchcraft
The Etiquette of Witchcraft
This article by M. Macha NightMare appeared in the Summer 1996 issue of the Reclaiming Newsletter.
The Etiquette of Witchcraft, Reclaiming Style
The greater community of Witchcraft- throughout the U.S. and abroad- has a few rules of etiquette of which to be cognizant.  I am well aware that ours is not a religion of “rules” (especially in the ecstasy-based Reclaiming Tradition), but in order for us to be free of inhibitions, to feel we are in “safe space,” to get the most out of what we are doing and to protect those whose identity as Witches were it revealed, would compromise them in their mundane lives, it is imperative that everyone know and agree to abide by the following general policies:
1.  First and foremost, a magickal circle is not for observers; it is
participatory and experiential.  A circle is a religious rite and all
participants should conduct themselves in a manner respectful to the Goddess. If one is not prepared to focus and contribute his/her attention and efforts to the ceremony, one does not belong in the circle.  If one does not wish to participate, s/he should excuse her/himself before the pre-rite meditation and grounding begins.
2.  The taking of photographs is inappropriate and impermissible.  As noted in item 1 above, the ritual, and memories of it, are to be carried in one’s heart;
they are not a proper subject for objective observation and documentation.  The exception to this is when all participants have been asked before the ritual has begun, and all agree; or when the ritual is “staged” specifically for the taking of photographs, filming or videotaping. Photographing rituals requires special tact and sensitivity.
3.  Craft groups and circles are not inviolably solemn, but they are serious in
central purpose.  Inappropriate talking, joking, laughing, etc. are not only
rude and disrespectful of the Goddess, the Mighty Ones, the priest/esses of the ritual  and other celebrants, but also they interfere with concentration and
continuity of the ceremony.  She commands us to have mirth and reverence; humor and laughter are gifts of the Goddess.  Our attitude, conduct and energy should reflect both the joyousness and the solemnity of this our celebratory religion. There will be a period within the ritual for the sharing of food, drink and good wishes, and time for conversation and merrymaking.
4.  Since traditional lore teaches that consecrated object easily absorbs
energy (becomes “charged”), tools, such as wand, chalice, athame, jewelry, drum and other ritual regalia, should not be touched by someone other than the owner without the owner’s express permission.
5.  Once the circle is cast, all celebrants should consider themselves in it
for the duration.  It is preferable for one to take care of personal needs
before the ritual is begun, but if one finds it necessary to use the toilet,
feels faint or whatever, one can either ask for assistance or “cut a door” in
the circle and leave, carefully closing and sealing it afterwards.  The circle
is intended to contain the energy and focus, and when it is casually entered
and exited, that energy can become dissipated or lost and focus shattered.
6.  Anyone who is drunk, stoned or otherwise inebriated does not belong in
circle.  In addition, the use of drugs or alcohol (this includes the smoking of
cigarettes) in circle is unacceptable behavior; it can show disrespect and it
puts the user(s) on another wavelength than the nonuser(s).  The exception to
this is when the use of chemicals is sacramental and understood and accepted by everyone in the circle.
7.  People who invite others to rituals are responsible for preparing the
guest(s) as to what is expected of them, how to behave, etc.  Guests cannot be
expected to know what’s going on all on their own, especially if it’s their
first Craft ritual, but much can be done by the person who invites them to make them feel more comfortable and included by giving them some information ahead of time about how things work and how people are expected to behave.
8.  What occurs in circle is sacred and not to be talked about with those who
were not part of the circle.  This mainly applies to small, private rituals,
and we in Reclaiming are more casual about rehashing big public ones, but if
one is invited to a ritual presented by another Craft tradition, this rule is
inviolate.
The above guidelines are freely adapted from archival material graciously
provided by Valerie Voigt.
Many thanks for reading and observing these few, simple, common-sense, but
essential, guidelines.

Lighten Up – Circle Etiquette

Circle Etiquette

Never summon Anything you can’t banish.

Never put asafoetida on the rocks in the sweat lodge.

Do not attempt to walk more than 10 paces while wearing all of your ritual jewelry, dream bags and crystals at the same time.

When proposing to initiate someone, do not mention the Great Rite, leer, and say, “Hey, your trad or mine?”

Never laugh at someone who is skyclad. They can see you, too.

Never, ever set the Witch on fire.

Looking at nifty pictures is not a valid path to mastering the ancient grimoires. Please read thoroughly and carefully from beginning to end so that your madness and gibberings will at least make some sense.

A good grasp of ritual and ritual techniques are essential! In the event of a random impaling, or other accidental death amongst the participants, (see next rule) a quick thinker can improvise to ensure successful completion of the Rite. Make them another sacrifice, Demons like those.

Watch where you wave the sharp pointy items.

Avoid walking through disembodied spirits.

Carry an all purpose translators dictionary in case the ritual leader begins talking in some strange and unknown language.

Avoid joining your life force to anything with glowing red eyes.

If asked to sign a contract or pact and you are experiencing doubts or reservations, sign your neighbors name. Malevolent entities rarely ask for photo ID.

Blood is thicker than water. Soak ritual garments an extra 30-45 minutes.

While drunken weaving may be mistaken for ecstatic dancing, slurring the names of Deities is generally considered bad form.

Best Time To Carry Out Spells And Rituals

 

Best Time To Carry Out Spells and Rituals

If a need is urgent then you can work at any time and picture the full moon or rising dawn whose energies you need, even at a different time of the month or at darkest midnight.

Sometimes the nature of the ritual will dictate the timing. For example, a new beginning spell can be launched on any new date; the first day of the month, the first day of the year, any Sunday, the first day of the week, the first hour after dawn or at the crescent moon when it first appears in the sky. Best of all is the first hour after dawn on a Sunday, which is ruled by the Sun, and so offers a double dose of power for that new beginning.

Lighten Up – You Know You’re a Chaote When…

You Know You’re a Chaote When…

by Everfool

You Know You’re a Chaote When…

  1. You don’t think it’s a proper symbol unless you only just made it up a few seconds ago while doodling.
  2. Someone asks you if you believe life has a purpose, or whether it is meaningless, and you say “yes.”
  3. You always carry around lots of post-it notes and a pen in case you need to cast a sigil.
  4. People ask you how magic works, and you either A) don’t know and don’t care B) explain in torturous detail, later causing them to seek therapy.
  5. Someone asks you if you believe in the Christian God, and you say: A) “Only if there’s something in it for me” B) “What day of the week is it?” C) “Sorry, I rolled a 6 on the dice earlier, I’m a Wiccan today” D) “Okay, haven’t got any other plans for today”
  6. Missionaries find it easy to convert you to their religion, the only trouble is making sure you don’t convert to another religion as soon as you’re bored.
  7. Other magick workers compare rituals with you.  You think they’re too serious and stuffy, and they refuse to live in the same neighbourhood as you. You don’t see anything wrong with making up your own god, until it starts telling you what to do.
  8. While in trance, a being glowing with pure white light tells you the secrets to true happiness.  You smile and ignore it/laugh at it.
  9. People point out your beliefs are contradictory.  You blush.
  10. Your bookcase contains various holy texts that claim all the other texts are wrong.
  11. You don’t learn Latin in order to understand tomes of magic, you learn Quantum Physics.
  12. You still don’t understand the tomes after learning Quantum Physics, but at least you know lots of big words now.
  13. Your rituals involve the first objects you can spot lying around.
  14. You aspire to schizophrenia.  Your friends think you’ve already reached that state.
  15. Your banishment rituals are usually more fun than the rituals themselves.  You keep a copy of a “certain revisionist” book for whenever you need to banish with laughter.
  16. Even eclectic witches think you need to be more discerning.
  17. You buy one of those glittery spell books to see if you can make the spells work.  You read it and decide you would much rather write insulting letters to the author that will also give her the nasty cold you’ve been trying to get rid of for weeks.
  18. When Wiccans tell you the rede, you ask them to define “harm.”
  19. If someone you agree with turns out to be obnoxious, you immediately change your beliefs to the opposite of what they were.
    And finally…
  20. Shopping for presents becomes so much easier, as you decide to buy random things, mix them up randomly, and leave them lying around for the first person who finds them.

Lighten Up – Circle Etiquette

Circle Etiquette

Never summon Anything you can’t banish.

Never put asafoetida on the rocks in the sweat lodge.

Do not attempt to walk more than 10 paces while wearing all of your ritual jewelry, dream bags and crystals at the same time.

When proposing to initiate someone, do not mention the Great Rite, leer, and say, “Hey, your trad or mine?”

Never laugh at someone who is skyclad. They can see you, too.

Never, ever set the Witch on fire.

Looking at nifty pictures is not a valid path to mastering the ancient grimoires. Please read thoroughly and carefully from beginning to end so that your madness and gibberings will at least make some sense.

A good grasp of ritual and ritual techniques are essential! In the event of a random impaling, or other accidental death amongst the participants, (see next rule) a quick thinker can improvise to ensure successful completion of the Rite. Make them another sacrifice, Demons like those.

Watch where you wave the sharp pointy items.

Avoid walking through disembodied spirits.

Carry an all purpose translators dictionary in case the ritual leader begins talking in some strange and unknown language.

Avoid joining your life force to anything with glowing red eyes.

If asked to sign a contract or pact and you are experiencing doubts or reservations, sign your neighbors name. Malevolent entities rarely ask for photo ID.

Blood is thicker than water. Soak ritual garments an extra 30-45 minutes.

While drunken weaving may be mistaken for ecstatic dancing, slurring the names of Deities is generally considered bad form.

Lighten Up – Are You a TechnoPagan?

Are You a TechnoPagan?

You may be a TechnoPagan if…

If your athame has a SCSI interface…

If your OBE’s begin with a netsplit…

If your priest robes conceal a pocket protector…

If you calculate the phases of the moon with Windows ’95…

If your altar has a keyboard…

If drawing down a circle is a POST (power on self test)…

If you call the Watch Towers on your cell-tell…

If you do most of your correspondence by email and sign off with Blessed Be…

If you don’t call it a ritual, you call it a Macro…

If you end a circle with Ctl-Alt-Del…

If you have ever attached ribbons to a May Pole using a staple gun…

If you invite the God and Goddess to come online…

If you keep a Disk of Shadows (with encrypted backups)…

If you participate in online rituals more than you do FTF…

If you refer to eclectic ritual as cross-platforming…

If your Beltane ritual includes more than one news group…

If your candles have batteries…

If your cauldron is a crock-pot…

If your deities include Murphy and Gates…

If your drumming is done on a  CD player  (pre-recorded)…

If your herbs are always mail-ordered (express, overnight)…

If your idea of a great retreat has a Computer City, electricity, and a TV nearby…

If your incense is by Glade…

If your magic wand is a light pen…

If your magical name, email address, and online name are all the same…

If your magical writing is done in binary code or C++…

If your pentacle is made of computer chips…

If your technician compains about the wax and incense ash on your motherboard…

If, instead of asking what tradition someone comes from, you ask what operating system they run…

If your Yule ritual involves defragmentation…

If your coven is spread over a 12,000 sq. mi. area…

If your Book of Shadows has a 6-digit version number…

If you refer to deities using 3-letter acronyms (ODN, LKI, THR)…

If you do cord magick with ethernet…

If you ritually down your server for Samhain…

If your altar cloth is a mouse pad…

If, when your quarter candles burn out, the UPS backup system kicks in…

If erecting the temple entails formatting more than 4 disks…

If casteing the circle changes an (int) to a (float)…

If your Star Trek screen-saver signals when your meditation period is over…

If your Beltane ritual includes more than one news group…

If passing the cakes and ale entails using a /me command…

If your search for truth involves regular expressions…

If your familiar is a computer mouse…

If you draw down the moon using a light-pen…

If your cone of power has a surge suppressor…

If your tarot cards multi-task…

If your daemons collect news for you…

If your crystal ball has a horizontal-hold control…

If you refer to solitary practice as a stand alone…

If you tap into the collective unconscious using Netscape…

If your favorite deity has a homepage…

If the address of your covenstead begins with http://…

and finally, if your circle is a token ring…

Well, you just might be a TechnoPagan!

Candle Colors and What To Use Them For

CANDLE COLORS AND WHAT TO USE THEM FOR

BLACK:
Meditation rituals
Hexwork
Uncrossing rituals
Spells to banish evil entities and negative forces
Protection
Repelling negativity
Binding
Shapeshifting

BLUE:
Magick that involves honor
Loyalty
Peace
Tranquility
Truth
Wisdom
Protection during sleep
Astral projection
To induce prophetic dreams
Good fortune
Opening blocked communication
Spiritual inspiration
Calm 
Reassurance
Gently moving
Element of water
Creativity

BROWN:
Locate lost objects
Improve powers of concentration and telepathy
Protection of familiars and household pets
Influence friendships
Special favors

GOLD:
Attract the power of the cosmic influences
Rituals to honor solar deities
Wealth
The God
Promote winning
Safety and power of the male
Happiness
Playful humor

GRAY:
Spells to neutralize negative influences

GREEN:
Fertility
Success
Good luck
Prosperity
Money
Rejuvenation
Ambition
Rituals to counteract greed and jealousy
Earth Mother
Physical healing
Monetary success
Abundance
Tree and plant magick
Growth
Element of Earth
Personal goals

ORANGE:
Spells to stimulate energy
Business goals
Property deals
Ambition
Career goals
General success
Justice
Legal matters
Selling
Action

PINK:
Love
Friendship
Romantic love
Planetary good will
Healing of emotions
Peace
Affection
Romance
Partnerships of emotional maturity
Caring 
Nurturing

PURPLE:
Psychic manifestations
Healing
Power
Success
Independence
Household protection
Influencing people in high places
Third eye
Psychic ability
Spiritual power
Self assurance
Hidden knowledge

RED:
Fertility rites
Aphrodisiacs
Sexual passion
Love
Health
Physical strength
Revenge
Anger
Willpower
Courage
Magnetism
Energy
Element of Fire
Career goals
Fast action
Lust
Blood of the Moon
Vibrancy
Driving force
Survival

SILVER:
Remove negativity
Encourage stability
Attract the influences of the Goddess
Telepathy
Clairvoyance
Clairaudience
Psychometry
Intuition
Dreams
Astral energies
Female power
Communication 
The Goddess

WHITE:
Consecration rituals
Meditation
Divination
Exorcism
Healing
Clairvoyance
Truth
Peace
Spiritual strength
Lunar energy
Spirituality
The Goddess
Higher self
Purity
Virginity
Substitute for any other color

YELLOW:
Confidence
Attraction
Charm 
Persuasion
The Sun
Intelligence
Accelerated learning
Memory
Logical imagination
Breaking mental blocks
Selling yourself

Candle Colors and What They Mean

CANDLE COLORS AND WHAT THEY MEAN

White:
A balance of all colors; Spiritual enlightenment, cleansing, clairvoyance, healing, truth seeking; Rituals involving lunar energy. May be substituted for any color candle.

Yellow:
Activity, Creativity, unity; brings power of concentration and imagination to a ritual;  use in rituals where you wish to gain anothers confidence or persuade someone, or in rituals that require solar energy.

Gold:
Fosters understanding and attracts the powers of cosmic influences; beneficial in rituals intended to bring about fast luck or money, or in rituals needing solar energy.

Pink:
Promotes romance, friendship; standard color for rituals to draw affections; a color of femininity, honor, service, brings friendly, lively conversation to the dinner table.

Red:
Health, passion, love, fertility, strength, courage, will power; increases magnetism in rituals; draws Aries and Scorpio energy.

Silver:
Removes negativity and encourages stability; helps develop psychic abilities; attracts the influence of the Mother Goddess.

Purple:
Power, success, idealism, psychic manifestations; ideals for rituals to secure ambitions, independence, financial rewards, or to make contact with the spiritual other world;  increases Neptune energy.

Magenta:
Combination of red and violet that oscillates on a high frequency; energizes rituals where immediate action and high levels of power or spiritual healing are required.

Brown:
Earthly, balanced color; for rituals of material increase; eliminates indecisiveness; improves powers of concentration, study, telepathy; increases financial success; locates objects that have been lost.

Indigo:
Color of inertia; stops situations or people; use in rituals that require a deep meditational state; or in rituals that demand Saturn energy.

Royal Blue:
Promotes laughter and joviality; color or loyalty; use to attract Jupiter energy, or whenever an influence needs to be increased.

Light Blue:
Spiritual color; helpful in devotional or inspirational meditations; brings peace and tranquillity to the home; radiates Aquarius energy; employ where a situation must be synthesized.

Blue:
Primary spiritual color; for rituals to obtain wisdom, harmony, inner light, or peace; confers truth and guidance.

Emerald Green:
Important component in Venusian rituals; attracts love, social delights, and fertility.

Dark Green:
Color of ambition, greed, and jealousy; counteracts these influences in a ritual.

Green:
Promotes prosperity, fertility, success; stimulates rituals for good luck, money, harmony, and rejuvenation.

Gray:
Neutral color useful when pondering complex issues during meditation; in magic, this color often sparks confusion; it also negates or neutralizes a negative influence.

Black:
Opens up the deeper levels of the unconscious; use in rituals to induce a deep meditational state, or to banish evil or negativity as in uncrossing rituals; attracts Saturn energy.

Lighten Up – Coven Getting Older?

You Know Your Coven’s Getting Older When…

The ritual feast is pureed.

Last Beltaine the coven decided it would be nice to go out to dinner to celebrate.

The last time you tried to do a spiral dance your oxygen feeds got tangled.

Viagra is kept in the coven supplies.

The maiden of the coven is a grandmother.

The ritual room is outfitted with defibrillators.

The coveners drive their RV’s to Scottsdale for Mabon.

When you are at a festival you go to bed at sunset.

It takes the whole coven to move the cauldron.

The high priest still has a vendetta going against Richard Nixon.

You find yourself using your pendulum over the stock pages in the newspaper.

You tell an initiate that in your day you had to slog through five feet of snow uphill both ways when you did a Yule ritual.

You drop your teeth in the ritual cup.

At Samhain you see more of your coveners in the Wild Hunt than you do in circle.

You put your athame in the chalice during ritual but you can’t remember why.

You hold an all night blow-out drum frenzy and none of your neighbors noticed.

You use  Glenn Miller  records for trance music.

All of your ritual robes are tie-dyed

Your coven has a 401(k) retirement plan.

A nitro pill vial replaces the crystal on your pendant.

No one’s successfully jumped the Beltaine fire since 1983.

When the coven sings, “Creak and groan, creak and groan . . .”

When you set comfy chairs around the circle.

When you sit on the floor and can’t get up again.

You do anointings with Aspercreme.

The oak tree your coven planted died of old age.

You use Bran Muffins and Prune Juice for Cakes & Ale because you need the extra fiber.

You don’t use salt to consecrate you altar because you need to stay away from extra sodium.

You use a walker during the Wild Hunt

You prefer to rent a Hall for rituals because the bathrooms are closer.

You need a flashlight to find the candles.