Lighten Up – Coven Getting Older?

You Know Your Coven’s Getting Older When…

The ritual feast is pureed.

Last Beltaine the coven decided it would be nice to go out to dinner to celebrate.

The last time you tried to do a spiral dance your oxygen feeds got tangled.

Viagra is kept in the coven supplies.

The maiden of the coven is a grandmother.

The ritual room is outfitted with defibrillators.

The coveners drive their RV’s to Scottsdale for Mabon.

When you are at a festival you go to bed at sunset.

It takes the whole coven to move the cauldron.

The high priest still has a vendetta going against Richard Nixon.

You find yourself using your pendulum over the stock pages in the newspaper.

You tell an initiate that in your day you had to slog through five feet of snow uphill both ways when you did a Yule ritual.

You drop your teeth in the ritual cup.

At Samhain you see more of your coveners in the Wild Hunt than you do in circle.

You put your athame in the chalice during ritual but you can’t remember why.

You hold an all night blow-out drum frenzy and none of your neighbors noticed.

You use  Glenn Miller  records for trance music.

All of your ritual robes are tie-dyed

Your coven has a 401(k) retirement plan.

A nitro pill vial replaces the crystal on your pendant.

No one’s successfully jumped the Beltaine fire since 1983.

When the coven sings, “Creak and groan, creak and groan . . .”

When you set comfy chairs around the circle.

When you sit on the floor and can’t get up again.

You do anointings with Aspercreme.

The oak tree your coven planted died of old age.

You use Bran Muffins and Prune Juice for Cakes & Ale because you need the extra fiber.

You don’t use salt to consecrate you altar because you need to stay away from extra sodium.

You use a walker during the Wild Hunt

You prefer to rent a Hall for rituals because the bathrooms are closer.

You need a flashlight to find the candles.

Did You Know…….

Did you know…

From Wikipedia’s newest content:

A large Portland stone cenotaph draped in flags, bearing inscription, 'The Glorious Dead'

  • … that The Cenotaph, Whitehall (pictured) replaced a wood-and-plaster cenotaph erected in 1919 for the Allied Victory Parade?
  • … that Collins H. Johnston, halfback on the first Michigan football team in 1879, later published papers on eclampsia, tuberculosis, cardiac murmurs, and pulmonary abscess?
  • … that the only loss of life recorded in the 70-year history of the Union Steamship Company of British Columbia was as a result of the sinking of the steamship Cheslakee?
  • … that Carl Legien organized a massive general strike in Germany to counter the right-wing Kapp-Putsch of March 1920?
  • … that according to violinist Gidon Kremer, the Lockenhaus Chamber Music Festival in Austria philosophically resembles the Marlboro Music Festival in Vermont, US?
  • … that when Jeff Mellinger, the last active-duty draftee in the U.S. Army from the Vietnam War era, received his draft papers, he thought that they were written to him by then-President Richard Nixon?
  • … that Holby City character Oliver Valentine has been described as “a doctor with the blue eyes of Fonda and the medical competence of fondue”?