Laugh-A-Day for 10/25: How Not To Get Invited Back To A Circle

1. Take the ritual sword from the altar and make sounds like Darth Vader — “Luke, I am your father!” — and start making light saber noises.
2. Start skat-singing when chanting.
3. Take the ritual athame from the altar and start cleaning your nails with it.
4. When taking a sip of the ritual wine, act like a wine snob and comment on it.
5. When doing the spiral dance, make it a Conga line.
6. Call down the Goddess with “Get your ass down here, Big Momma!”
7. Call down the God with “Our father, who art in heaven …”
8. When chanting the names of the Goddess, randomly include Pokemon names.
9. When being smudged, complain vehemently about second-hand smoke.
10. In a drumming circle, laugh insanely and start drumming the beat to Wipe Out!
11. Ask the people in the circle “When are we all gonna git nekked?”
12. When in a skyclad circle, randomly point and laugh.
13. When the ritual wine goblet is passed to you, chug it and ask for more.
14. Invoke Satan.
15. Take out a Bible and start evangelizing.
16. Light-up a cigar.
17. Bring a cute furry creature and offer it as a blood sacrifice.
18. Talk a lot about casting spells for revenge against people who have offended you.
19. At a handfasting say “Thank God! Maybe now i’ll get some grandchildren!”
20. When in circle, answer your cell phone.
21. Respond to “So Mote it Be!” with “Amen!”
22. Invite people to “Come to the dark side.”
23. Bring you kids and ask the group to invoke the baby sitting Goddess.

     

— concept by Azriel LittleHawk, with edits and ammendments by Turok and contributors

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