I have believed in the Wiccan Way since I was perhaps seven or ten years old. It wasn’t until I was thirteen that I began to more wholeheartedly follow the Old Way. I hadn’t done much research, regrettably, and yet looking back on old writings of rituals and dances, songs, poems, that had, at the time, seemed to have nothing to do with the Craft, really did. It was as though the Goddess and the God had been in my blood from day one (for Christianity had always felt “icky” to me, as though I were living a horrid lie that simply wouldn’t go away no matter how much I told the truth) .
I knew what I was, who I was, and what I wanted to do to show the world my beliefs.
However, in my eighth grade year, I was pulled into a weird cult group at my school and while the path we followed as akin to Wicca it was not all the same time. The gods and goddesses we followed were more or less made up, and when I met my current husband at the end of ninth grade after Hurricane Katrina and his friend whom wanted to practice Wicca and turned to me for information, I gave my husband’s friend the information of my cult from middle school versus the true information of the Craft.
My husband went online to verify the information and when it didn’t match up, he went rather nuts. So to this day, I’m still living up to that “lie.” I’m tainted and as are my beliefs.
Now, though he lets me keep my altar up (rather ignorant I’m guessing of what it stands for) and lets me wear my Goddess pendant and pentacle medallion, I know he fights me on practicing my beliefs openly. He seems unable to understand that when one says Wiccans believe in magick, it isn’t necessarily that we believe we can make the wind blow, or flowers grow, or move things with our minds, but rather that we take negative energy morph it into positive energy and through Circles and rituals and spells and the like we channel that positive energy to influence our world and through our positive thoughts and the like change how we do things and how our world is around us.
Yet… I don’t know. It’s hard because every time I bring up Wicca, he tells me “you’re not Wiccan” but I think it’s more because he’s in denial. Like, I saved something from a website that had a good Mabon ritual that I wanted to use come next month and he said, “So you’re looking up Wiccan things to buy online.”
I said, “No, I saved the site because it had a good ritual.”
He didn’t seem mad and didn’t argue with me. So, I guess it’s more of a gradual transition. My friend from years ago, Cael, did a tarot reading for me and said that there are two paths before me and only one reaches home. I’m torn between which path is the right one to take but I’m too stubborn to give up the fight.
I’m not sure exactly what to do.
I’ve prayed consistently to the Goddess and the God to guide me, to allow my husband, whom I would give my life for, who I believe the Goddess and the God gave to me personally, to accept my beliefs. I don’t want him to practice with me. I understand and accept fully that he doesn’t believe what I do, yet… I wish he’d extend the same kindness to me.
I guess I’d be more truthful if I said that there are some aspects of Wicca that I follow. I believe that faeries are lesser, almost demi-gods that are more or less spirits of the Earth manifested in plants, flowers, etc. I’ve already stated my thoughts/beliefs on magick.
I’m an eclectic Witch, but more or less I guess I’d be traditional in the sense that I worship the Goddess and the God, I only call upon Them in my rituals. Though I acknowledge all the other gods and goddesses of the various pantheons, I feel as though it more respectful to speak directly to the “head honchos” of the Way. That may just be me. I don’t believe in love potions, healing spells on myself, or things like that.
I think it is horribly against the Rede to do anything that might be considered “personal gain.” I believe in working for the things in my life, not use the magick given to me in ways to make it a faster process, just to give me a hop in my step.
I’m beautiful the way I am, the Goddess wouldn’t have made me such if I wasn’t truly beautiful. I love women and men equally; I don’t think one sex is better than the other. The Goddess and the God manifest in each of us, so no one is more perfect than the other.
I accept others beliefs, for the Rede bids us “Abide the Wiccan Law ye must/ in perfect love and perfect trust.” I follow the Rede as best I can, but like all humans I mess up.
But I’ve digressed from my general point. I only want to be accepted. I wish I could reach a mutual understanding with my husband. I love my faith and I love the Goddess and the God, and to not worship them every night by opening a circle and simply meditating with Their presence beside me, it’s almost painful.
Goddess and God willing my husband will accept my religion as I have undoubtedly accepted his. But as I’ve mentioned before in above paragraphs, it’s still a debated issue. I hope the gradual transition works out in the end. And I hope it comes to a close soon. I can’t take much more of this. It’s killing me.
You must be logged in to post a comment.