Do You Like You?

Do You Like You?

  • Liz Dawn Donahue

Do I like myself?

Do I like myself in this relationship?

Two very similar questions, but at the same time, very different.

I remember being in relationships and looking in the mirror only to think “who is this person?” I could barely recognize my own reflection because at times my behavior was the anti-thesis of who I am and who I wanted to be. It had gotten to a point in one relationship that I could not believe who I had become. I was this woman putting up with behavior from my partner that I would go screaming into the night if any of my friends would do this in their lives.

I liked myself, but I did not like myself in this relationship. I did not like the person who I had become and most especially that I could not seem to control my reactions to his “bad” behavior.

After hours, actually months, of therapy, I realized that if I was going to come out of this even half alive and the person that I knew myself to be, that I had to figure a way out of this dysfunctional abyss. It was a matter of my mental sanity that I embarked on a vigorous journey of self introspection to understand why I was in a relationship with someone that brought out the worst in me instead of the best in me.

 

Was this concept an impossibility or just a cliche? Can you really be with someone who brings out the best in you or is it your responsibility to always be your best no matter who is in your life? These questions haunted me. I really felt that no matter who was in my life that I should be able to stay centered at all times and be my best. This is wonderful in theory, but not so great in reality when dealing with intimate relationships or dealing with those things that trigger us.

I have heard story after story about people sharing their disappointments about themselves because they would find their lives intertwined with someone who brought out the worst in them. Why?

Here is what I discovered, and this is just one woman’s opinion. We absolutely have to take responsibility for our own actions at all times; however, there are those intimate relationships that trigger old deep-seeded issues inside us that we might have thought we resolved years ago or even issues we never knew we had in the first place. In other words, if I am in a relationship with someone and I am acting out of character, I have to sit and ask myself, what is happening around me that is triggering me into this behavior? Then I need to reflect on what does this remind me of in my past.

More times than often, there is an emotional trigger that has nothing to do with the person in front of you, but has everything to do with past unhealed trauma. The person in front of you is just a reminder that there are areas of your life that need a little work. Having said this, it does NOT mean that you stay with a person who continuously triggers you. If you sit back and take an objective look at their behavior you will probably see that their actions are dysfunctional as well. Their behavior is a perfect match to tap you on the shoulder and not only see unhealed areas of your life, but to also recognize what your relationship red flags are for the future.

I challenge the concept that in order to grow it is good to be in relationship with a partner that challenges your issues. Thank you very much, but I can grow and learn very nicely without the drama of being thrown into all that dysfunction. It is taking a stand and being able to walk away from those relationships that trigger you, a willingness to work in it on your own, and then get into a relationship with someone who does not have the same behavior.

After many years of playing this game and being hit over the head with this lesson I finally got it. I am in a marriage with a man that brings out the best in me, not the worst and I bring out the best in him. It is not just cliche after all.

BASIC SKILLS FOR HEALING WITH YOUR HANDS

BASIC SKILLS FOR HEALING WITH YOUR HANDS

Anyone can learn to heal. You have to believe in you can and learn to connect to
Source.

You are like the ‘middle man’ who brings the healing from Source to the person.

Everyone has the ability to tap into ‘source’ and bring in energies of higher
vibration that heal and balance out the person’s Chi – Qi – life-force energies.

If the person you are with has overcome the emotional problems linked to the
ailment – you will be successful. This includes self-healing.

Ailments originate from many levels of our bodies – as we have seven sheath
bodies.

The physical level is where we experience the final manifestation of the ailment
because we live in third dimension.

For example – of the person has problems with a hand – they most likely do not
want to do something related to the use of that hand – usually the hand they
write with.

If you prefer to say a prayer or use ‘white light’ protection while you work –
please do so.

Some people ask their Source in the healing to be sure that the imbalanced
energies of the person do not come into your energy fields. You are there to
balance the person.

Basic skills for healing with your hands

You may prefer to wash your hands before and after the healing.

Find a place that is quiet to do your healing.

You can use soft music or no music.

The person you are working with should be a peace and feel comfortable that you
will do not harm to them – and WILL heal – or alleviate the problems.

DAY 1 – Connecting to Source

Let’s first determine which hand works best for you.

Hold both hands out in front of you – palms up.

Focus your attention on your left hand and experience the flow of energy coming
from your hand.

Next mentally focus on your right hand and see how strong the energy from that
hand feels.

One palm should feel stronger energy flow – hotter – more tingles – whatever
your body relates to!

Now place your hands – palms facing each other – just in front of you.

Keep them about 3 inches – 7.6 cm – apart.

Move your hands slowly – back and forth.

Feel the lines of energy between your palms.

Now slowly move your palms further away from each other.

See how far out you can go before you no longer feel the ‘pull’ of the energies.

When the energies stop – move your palms back and forth slightly in opposite
directions and you should continue to feel the energies.

If you had an aura camera it would record the lines of energy in photos.

Now let’s tap in to ‘source’!

Your mental frame of reference for Source could be – a white Light – a spirit
guide – a religious figure – healing master – your higher self – yourself as a
healer in another realm – the computer in the pyramid – a sea of consciousness
connecting all things – the grids – something external from our reality –
whatever.

Now connect with that source (Plug in)!

Allow that energy to come through you.

You may feel – hot – dizzy – exhilarated – other – depends on how out of balance
you are and how your physical vehicle (body) reacts to the energies!

Get used to that energy and balance your body’s flow of energy today.

DAY 2 – Healing another person with your hands

Once you understand and feel comfortable with the fact that you can heal with
your hands – try a healing on someone who has a simply ailment.

Be sure the person is comfortable with you.

Ask them about the problem and anything they wish to share about the onset of
the problem – including emotions related to that problem. Ex: I hate my job —
suddenly I fell down while on the job and hurt my back so I do not have to work!

Now don’t play shrink as that really pisses people off and you probably are not
qualified! Just Listen.

Don’t start getting into their issues – unless they want you too.

Keep the conversation brief and tell them to seek emotional help for their pain
perhaps with a professional.

There are many people out there with chemical imbalances who are finding out
about them at adult age – when tests should have been made in childhood! So who
knew in those years?

Have the person sit or lay down in a relaxed position.

You can use with music or just find a quiet place.

Sometimes healing in Nature works well!

Assure the person that you will do nothing to hurt him / her in any way or to
aggravate the situation.

Place your hand / hands within three inches from – or on the person in question.

You can close your eyes and see your connection to Source – or you can heal with
your eyes open.

If you have a specific symbol – word – or key – you would like to use – please
use it as it makes you feel comfortable.

Pause and allow the energies to begin to flow through your body.

This could take a few minutes . . .

Relax . . .

Breathe deeply if that helps you connect . . .

Ask spirit to protect and guide you and not allow any of the person’s imbalanced
energies to affect yours —
placing you in imbalance.

Next – do a ‘sweep’ of the body!

Open your eyes.

Keep hands about three inches from the person’s body – move your hands slowly
down the body – starting with the top of the head.

You are looking for changes in temperature levels, which is an indication of
improper flow of the Chi energies. If /when you feel this change tell the
person. They may say, “Oh yes, I have been having discomfort there, also.”

At the very least you are finding a problem.

Send that person a lot of healing energy by taping into Source and seeing it
entering their body in that place.

Send healing as is comfortable for both of you.

They may tell you they feel heat – or tingles.

Many healers like to send energy through the crown chakra and feel it moving
down through the person’s body.

We all find the way that works best for us.

There is no specific time frame for the healing. Do not look at the clock. There
should be no time constraints. The amount of time you spend with the person is
up to both of you!

If you receive mental image while healing someone – be discerning in what you
say.

It is usually best to say nothing.

DAY 3 – Working with Plants

Find a small plant – preferable one that has problems.

Place it on a table in front of you.

Place your hands in front of you, palms up.

Tap in to Source.

Feel the energies start to move through your body . . .

Feel the vibrations in the palms of your hands . . .

Place your hands on either side of the plant (about 3 inches away from the
plant).

Send energy back and forth between your palms.

Imagine the flow lines of positive energy between your hands.

Allow your mind to become one with the plant – connect energetically.

If you are telekinetic – the plant – or its leaves – may move slightly!

You may receive mental images from the plant.

‘See’ the plant healthy.

You may have to repeat this daily for several days.

DAY 4 – Healing Yourself

Sit down or lie down in a peaceful place . . .

Extend you palms upward . . .

Feel your connection to Source . . .

Feel the energies moving through the palms of your hands . . .

Relax . . . Breath deeply . . . Close your eyes . . .

Mentally connect with your physical body to see where there is pain . . .

Now place your hands on that area and send the healing energies.

If the pain is in your back. . You can send healing through the front of your
body and it will reach your back . . .

If you do not have pain . . . just place your hands on your heart chakra and
send energy of light and love. It will make you glow when you meet others today!
Pay attention to their reactions to you.

If your pain is emotional . . . placing your hand on your heart chakra will work
in the same way to help alleviate the pain.

Of course you can not erase emotional pain using your hands – but it can raise
your frequency and lift some of the depression. It can bring you some balance.

Ten Tips On “How Not To Take Things To Heart”

Ten Tips On “How Not To Take Things To Heart”

Any interaction with another person, whether it is with your boss, a customer, your father or your friend has the opportunity to lead to hurt or irritation. Some people get hurt more easily than others. They can be particularly sensitive and take things to heart. Here are some tips to help you stop taking things personally so you can leave your interactions in a happier way.

Know why you are hurting
Know why you are hurting and respond accordingly. Are you hurting because of something that has happened in your history? Are you adding your history to the present moment and therefore adding fuel to something small and making it appear bigger? For example, if your mother has looked at you in a certain way since childhood and she’s looked at you in the same way today – do you react because of the way she looked today or the way she looked at you as a child? If it’s the latter, try reacting as if this was the first time you’d ever seen the look!

Laugh and make light of it
Laughter can be a wonderful cure and reliever. If you can keep light about a potential put-down then the put-down has no power. This doesn’t mean that you leave yourself open to abuse. What it does mean is that you can more easily brush off potentially hurtful comments

Tell someone else about what was said and turn it into a funny story.
Tell someone else what has happened and tell it in a way that makes it funny. Do a caricature – exaggerate what was said – think of a funny line back … build it up until it’s funny – this will help the hurt to dissipate.

Delay your response
Many people retaliate very quickly before they’ve even had time to think through what has been said. It’s a bit like someone throwing something at you. Would you just stand there and let it hurt you or would you duck? Delaying is like ducking. Pause before you respond. Then you give yourself time to think of a good response and to check that you’re not adding hurt to what was said.

Think of the other person as being “unskilled”
Think of the other person as being “unskilled” rather than being “intimidating”, “bossy” or “aggressive”. I’ll often say to myself, “Well that was an unskilled way of saying things, I wonder what she meant?” This helps me keep calm and non-reactive, yet still available to help the person.

Separate out what is specific to you
Sometimes people respond to a general complaint as if it is personally directed at them. Don’t do this. Work out what is specifically about you and what is a general complaint that you happen to get because you were in the same place as the other person? When it’s not specific to you, remind yourself of this, e.g. you might say to yourself, “This is about the company,” or “He has obviously got a bad headache.”

Monitor for sites of tension build up and let go before they develop
Each of us will have physiological changes which occur early on in the process of becoming hurt. If you can catch your stomach tightening, your neck tightening or your hands grasping, early on, you have more chance of letting go and not hooking into the other person’s comments or emotions. Someone in one of our workshops recently discovered she started clicking her nails as a sign that she was hooking in. What are your signs?

Keep breathing
Keep breathing in and out. No, I’m not joking! Some people hear something unpleasant and catch their breath and then don’t let go of it. You’re more likely to take something personally if you aren’t breathing!

Breathe deeply
Breathe deeply so your breathing remains calm, regular and deep. Even in a meeting it’s possible to put your hand on your midriff to give yourself a physical reminder to keep your breathing deep and regular. If your breathing speeds up and becomes shallow it could be a sign that you are getting hooked in.

Don’t read criticism into something that’s not intended as criticism
Don’t read in something that wasn’t there. It’s easy to try and “read between the lines” and imagine what someone meant or what they were implying and then to react as though your interpretation is true. It may not be. Someone, for example, may have crossed his arms to stop his shoulders aching not because he didn’t like what you said! Someone may be whispering to someone else as you walk in the room and you may assume they are talking about you. In fact they may be talking about their latest exploits with their new boyfriends.

By not getting hurt and looking after yourself, you increase your chances of staying healthy and having even more caring to give to others.

Copyright © 2009 by Rachel Green
— Submitted by Narayan Veeraraghavachar — India