Category: Daily Posts

You Know Someone Is New To Magick and Paganism When They Think That…

You Know Someone Is New To Magick and Paganism When They Think That…

An ATHAME is the gas you use for your grill.

A CENSOR is a drink you mix with alcohol.

ASTRAL PROJECTION is a home-made movie viewer.

A SYMPATHITIC LINK is when you feel sorry because your chain broke.

WICCA is that part of the candle that burns.

APHRODITE is a prehistoric bird.

ARCHETYPES is a kind of building structure.

BLESSED BE is the god of insects.

A BOOK OF SHADOWS contains silhouettes of friends or family members.

A BRAZIER is support wear for women.

CASTING is done with a fishing line, or on a set in Hollywood.

CHARGING is done with a credit card or battery.

The only way to get into a CIRCLE is to have the right of way.

Crystal CLEANSING is done with window cleaner.

CYCLES have to do with your washing machine and when to add fabric softener.

DEMETER is where you put your quarter when you park downtown.

A DOLMAN is a new brand of banana.

HANDFASTING is eating without utensils.

LEY LINES happen at the airport in Hawaii.

PAN is something you fry food in.

A QUARTER is 25 cents and still buys a cup of coffee. (Note: This person is not only new to magick, but they also haven’t been out in a while!)

SKYCLAD is a shade of blue clothing.

A TRAD is a type of geometrical figure.

WHEEL OF FORTUNE is the game show with Vanna White.

Circle Etiquette

Circle Etiquette

Never summon Anything you can’t banish.

Never put asafoetida on the rocks in the sweat lodge.

Do not attempt to walk more than 10 paces while wearing all of your ritual jewelry, dream bags and crystals at the same time.

When proposing to initiate someone, do not mention the Great Rite, leer, and say, “Hey, your trad or mine?”

Never laugh at someone who is skyclad. They can see you, too.

Never, ever set the Witch on fire.

Looking at nifty pictures is not a valid path to mastering the ancient grimoires. Please read thoroughly and carefully from beginning to end so that your madness and gibberings will at least make some sense.

A good grasp of ritual and ritual techniques are essential! In the event of a random impaling, or other accidental death amongst the participants, (see next rule) a quick thinker can improvise to ensure successful completion of the Rite. Make them another sacrifice, Demons like those.

Watch where you wave the sharp pointy items.

Avoid walking through disembodied spirits.

Carry an all purpose translators dictionary in case the ritual leader begins talking in some strange and unknown language.

Avoid joining your life force to anything with glowing red eyes.

If asked to sign a contract or pact and you are experiencing doubts or reservations, sign your neighbors name. Malevolent entities rarely ask for photo ID.

Blood is thicker than water. Soak ritual garments an extra 30-45 minutes.

While drunken weaving may be mistaken for ecstatic dancing, slurring the names of Deities is generally considered bad form.

You might be a Redneck Pagan if…

*Couldn’t resist. I love these!*

You might be a Redneck Pagan if…

  • If you think “widdershins” refers to the calves of the bereaved lady next door….
  • If you think fetch deer is a command you give yer dawg….
  • If you think a goblet is a young turkey….
  • If you think Drawing Down the Moon means demolishing the outhouse….
  • If you call your coven mates “Bud” and “Sis”….
  • If you think a Great Rite is turning onto County Road 13….
  • If your Quarter candles smell like kerosene….
  • If you pronounce “Athame” as “Athaym” and “Samhain” as “Sammon” or “Sam-hayn”….
  • If you think a “Sidhe” is a girl….
  • If your idea of the “Goddess” is the Coors Swedish Bikini Ski Team….
  • If your Bard plays the banjo….
  • If your ‘Long Lost Friend really IS….
  • If your lawn is decorated with at least one, preferably two or more, plastic pink flamingos, whom you regard as your familiars….
  • If your Wand of Power is a cattle prod….
  • If your ceremonial belt has your name on the back and a belt buckle bigger than your head….
  • If you call the Quarters by invoking “Billy, Joe, Jim and Bob”….
  • If you call the Gods by hollerin’ “Hey y’all, watch me!”….
  • If your favorite robe has the logo of a manufacturer of major farm equipment on the back….
  • If you’ve ever harvested ritual herbs with a weed wacker….
  • If your ritual staff is a double barrel shotgun….
  • If your ritual garments include any one of the following: plaid flannels, long johns, a pistol belt, or cowboy boots….
  • If you’ve ever blessed chewing tobacco or snuff….
  • If your ritual wine is Maddog 20/20, Night Train or White Lady 21….
  • If the instructions to get to your Covenstead include the words “After you turn off the paved road”….
  • If your altar-cloth is a rebel flag….
  • If you use junk cars to mark the four corners of your circle….
  • If your Eternal Flame just happens to be under a still….
  • If you use an engine block for an altar….
  • If your High Priestess is your cousin – as well as your wife….
  • If, when drawing down the moon, you say, “Ya’ll come on down, ya hear?”….
  • If your pickup truck has an Athame rack….
  • If your crystal ball is made of polystyrene (i.e., a bowling ball)….
  • If your High Priestess has a spittoon on her altar….

You might be a Redneck Pagan!

Cosmic Calendar for Friday, February 10th

There is an uncommon sense of planetary restlessness going on during this intense void lunar cycle that began yesterday when the Moon in Virgo joined forces with Mars. Before the Moon leaves void mode by entering affable, airy Libra at 11:55AM PST, you need to work with the following aspects – Venus trine Juno in fire signs (1:18AM PST), the Sun moving into an off-kilter, 150-degree link to Mars (3:32AM PST), Mercury forming a caustic, 45-degree tie to Pluto (5:47AM PST), Pallas making a flowing trine to Saturn in air signs (8:56AM PST), and the Moon parallel to Ceres (10:14AM PST). The two challenging alignments – the Sun-Mars and Mercury-Pluto connections – could increase worries and stress across the board. Trying to extinguish their explosive potentials is the trio of favorable link-ups combining Venus with Juno, Pallas with Saturn, and the Moon with Ceres. These three contacts can assist you with improving the rapport with loved ones, problem-solving and strategizing, as well as increasing your all-around productivity in arts, crafts and hobbies. Once the Moon is in Libra (11:55AM PST), treat a friend, relative or significant other to lunch or dinner at a favorite cafe. Visit an art gallery, cultural exhibit, museum or national landmark. Enjoy a night on the town and let the good times roll as the Sun is approaching an inspirational, 72-degree rapport with benevolent Jupiter (forming exactly at 12:03AM PST tomorrow).