Lighten Up – The Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Casserole

The Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Casserole

To prepare for this ritual, clear a space for the circle in the center of the kitchen. Then don your ceremonial apron and hold your ceremonial spatula in your right hand. Stand in the center of the circle and face east. You are ready to begin:

  1. With your spatula, draw a banishing pentagram to the East. Then, thrust your spatula through the pentagram and say, “Microwave dinners, be gone!
  2. Move to the South. Again, draw a banishing pentagram and thrust your spatula through it. “TV dinners, be gone!
  3. Move to the West. Draw the banishing pentagram and thrust your spatula through it. “Ramen instant noodles, be gone!
  4. Move to the north. Draw the banishing pentagram and thrust your spatula through it, “Mystery meat in a can, be gone!
  5. Move to the center of the circle and stand still. Chant the following: Before me, Martha Stewart. Behind me, Betty Crocker. To my right side, Julia Child. To my left side, Martha Stewart, AGAIN!
  6. Visualize yourself standing in a giant casserole and proclaim, “For about me bakes the casserole, and around me shines the 6-course meal.
  7. Clap your hands three times and say, “It’s a good thing.

The rite is over.

If the ritual is not effective, please order take-out ASAP.

Daily Cosmic Calendar for July 5th

Inspirations continue to fly fast and furiously following last night’s lunar move into the universal air sign of Aquarius. The Moon forms trines to expansive Jupiter (2:13AM PDT) and beauty-enhancing Venus (8:09AM PDT). Because Jupiter and Venus are the traditional benefic planets, there is a tendency right now to live for the joy of the moment and throw caution to the wind – in business matters and on the literary, publishing and educational horizons.  However, the Moon in also opposing Mercury (9:01AM PDT) and Mercury itself – following its off-kilter, 150-degree tie with Pluto two days ago – now makes another 150-degree contact, this time with Chiron (8:20PM PDT). Healing forces are back on the march, but you need to study up on holistic techniques and alternative medical breakthroughs to know what you are doing.  In the meantime, your productivity quotient can soar – thanks to a Mercury-Ceres parallel (10:30PM PDT). Keep a special notebook by your bed overnight to record nocturnal soul-wanderings and visions of the Great Beyond as the Moon parallels Neptune (10:41PM PDT).