the daily humorscope

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

 
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You’ve heard that when economists use the word “nice”, they’re actually saying that something is homoscedastic and nonautoregressive. Today you will find out what they mean when they say something is “like, totally kewl.”
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Thrombosis. Beware. Also, your best friend will rush up and indicate by nonverbal means that Timmy is trapped under a log again.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Today you will suddenly and quite unexpectedly become fascinated by fishing. You’ll spend all your spare time looking through lures, and will videotape all the fishing shows. Don’t lose hope, though — while there is no known cure for your condition, there’s a team working on it at MIT.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
You will aquire a slight sniffle, today. (A sniffle is a cross between a dachshund and a cairn terrier, bred especially to spot helicopters.)
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Tomorrow is a good day to wear your lucky Rocketship underwear. Try not to leap into rooms while shouting “Hark!” however.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Today you will meet Klive Dinky, the proprietor of Klive Dinky’s Tropical Dream Vacation, and Spa Salon. He will turn out to be much shorter than you ever imagined.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Do not snitch a jelly donut today, when nobody is looking. The chocolate frosted one is much better.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
A tomato features in today’s cuisine. Sadly, that’s going to be your pinnacle of excitement for today.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Today one or more close relations will pout. You will stoically endure this, and will steadfastly refuse to relinquish control of the remote control.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)
Confucius said “Choose a job you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Confucius was a Harvard man, you know, with a huge trust fund. He certainly never “worked” a day, himself. I wouldn’t take what he said too literally, in your case.
Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)
You will get a notion to become a street food-vendor, and will make yourself a food serving cart for the “Bulghur Baron”. You will sell pint containers of hot bulghur wheat, cooked with sauteed onions, garlic, and other vegetables. To everyone’s amazement, you’ll succeed fabulously, eventually making millions off the franchise rights alone.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
You’ll find a penny when you are out for a walk. Surprisingly, it will be the key to a wonderful change in your life. The trick is just to figure out what you can do with a penny, these days.
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Crystal Power

Witches always have crystals somewhere on their person, and if you stroll around their gardens you will often find a piece of amethyst twinkling out at you from a cabbage patch, or perhaps there will be a sliver of quartz nestled somewhere under a bush. Because crystals possess unique properties of conductivity and electrical frequency, they are used in everything from radios to watches to computers. Wiccans value crystals because they are wonderful for changing auras from negative to positive and they help clear destructive energies from our homes and gardens. There are so many types of crystals in the world that it is impossible to list them all here. if you want to learn more about crystals, there are countless books and websites out there, but for now we are going to explore some of the more popular crystals in use today. These are not just worn as jewelry, but often place on our altars to support a spell. You can use any size crystal or stone in a spell, the results will be the same.

Happy Hump Day To Everyone!

Happy, happy Wednesday, dear readers! I have treated you to everything this week. Let’s see what was it Monday, would you believe I forgot??? I have other things on my mind today, I have to take my little Pomeranian to the vet today. She is feeling under the weather and it is bothering me.

Today, I thought I would keep the treats going. We are going to look at some crystals that we use all the time and some we may not. It should be interesting and I hope you enjoy it.

Also, I have been out goofing off again! I have had enough people tell me I ought to enter this blog in a best blog on the internet contest. Well, I got my nerve up and went and did it. I am waiting now to see if we get approved to be in the contest. If we do you will see a button at the bottom of the right column. That button will be a button that lead to a link to vote for this blog. I hope you will take time to vote for this blog. The way I understand it, you really get the publicity. So what better way to get the Goddess’ message out.  Please, please vote for us, if we get approved.

Now down to business……..