the daily humorscope
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
An old flame will call today, and invite you to lunch. It’s actually a trick to try to get you involved with AmWay. Also, check page 5 of the newspaper for something you’ve been waiting for.
Today old Monty Python skits will keep running, unbidden, through your mind. The only cure will be to be to drink a glass of a fine Australian wine, which has a bouquet like an aborigine’s armpit.
In a surprising twist, the failure of another large London-based bank will be blamed on you, today. C’est la vie, non?
Beware of the Spanish Inquisition, today. They may show up unexpectedly.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Excellent day to act childish. For example, when’s the last time you ordered a drink with a straw, and blew bubbles in it? Or you could pout, if you want. (Be sure to go for good lip extension, though).
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
You will dream about arrows without points, tonight, and it will have a deeply spiritual significance for you. You won’t know what to make of the episode with the lime jello, though.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
A new love affair will have you all misty-eyed. Either that, or it’s the onset of glaucoma, in which case you should seek immediate medical attention.
Today you should enjoy “postlaunch solarizing.” Q: What does that mean? A: How should I know? It’s your life, you tell me.
Good day to stand on the sidewalk near a tall building, and stare up at the roof. You’ll meet some interesting people that way.
Excellent day to fill some pantyhose with popcorn and do the reindeer dance.
Today you shall laugh your bitter laugh. You’ll also sneeze your bitter sneeze.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Someone who you really dislike, who is arrogance personified…will be nice to you. This is a good time to be afraid.
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