With last night’s New Moon in Aquarius in your hip pocket, it may seem as if it is clear sailing ahead – as each solar-lunar union offers a forward push for the next 29+ days. However, even though Mercury and Mars form a flowing trine of 120-degrees in earth signs this morning (3:17AM PST) – potentially bolstering communications and construction projects across the board – everyone is about to deal with a possibly volatile Mars station at 24 degrees of Virgo (4:55PM PST) where the red planet shifts from direct to reverse until April 13. While our very accurate, scientifically-calculated ephemerides give us the exact timing of the Mars shift, this entire day (not to mention the last few days and the next 48+ hours ahead) is under the aegis of the red planet gone wild. Stations or the apparent stopping points of celestial bodies are tremendously significant because the planetary archetypes are then thrust upon us – often in an unrelenting manner. Thus, Mars motionless equates with a vast increase in themes such as courage, leadership, passion, sensuality, desire, athletic prowess, independence, but also selfishness, egocentricity, rash acts, immature and adolescent attitudes, as well as violence, anger, aggression and volatility. Accidents, fevers, burns and inflammations are much more common when Mars is singled out via the cosmic players who throw their weight around in our solar system. Do all in your power to steer clear of temperamental individuals, avoid dealing with legal matters and signings, and remember to drive defensively. The good news about Mars retrograde is that you can review and re-evaluate many of your behavior patterns – on the personality level – over the next 80 days.
Tag: Virgo
Cosmic Calendar for Jan. 21st
turday, January 21, 2012
Are worries and nervous tension giving you a psychic headache that won’t seem to dissipate? You may be tuning into Monday’s upcoming Mars turnaround – where the red planet shifts from moving forward in Virgo to doing backflips for approximately 80 days. Helping you cope with the increasing martial energy-field are a Moon-Venus supportive, 60-degree tie (6:01AM PST) and a similar hook-up between the Sun and Uranus (5:22PM PST). However, these two favorable sky patterns are separated by nearly half the day and they may not be able to neutralize discordant vibes coming from the monthly Moon-Pluto union in Capricorn (4:33AM PST), Pallas making an abrasive, 45-degree tie to Pluto (7:32PM PST), an off-kilter, 150-degree link from Mars to Pallas (8:29PM PST), the Moon parallel to Pluto (10:04PM PST) and a feisty, unsettling Sun-Jupiter square from Aquarius to Taurus (10:36PM PST). The cosmos is clearly ruffling many of its feathers, and the shadowy, dark-of-the-moon monthly cycle is also gaining power as the next New Moon happens late tomorrow night. Do your best to make some breakthroughs in higher consciousness and tap into Uranian-endowed flashes of genius along the way. The Moon in Capricorn continues to stimulate your overall urge to reach loftier career milestones.
Lunabar Moon Almanack for Monday, January 16
Lunabar Moon Almanack for Monday, January 16, 2012
Last Quarter Moon, at 4h. 9m. morning.
Moon in Via Combusta.
Moon in 23rd degree of the Sign Libra, the Balance;
also in 30th deg. of the Constellation Virgo, the Virgin.
Moonrise: 12:26 morn. Midheaven: 5:59 morn. Moonset: 11:24 morn.
Lunabar Moon Almanack for Friday, January 13th
Lunabar Moon Almanack for Friday, January 13, 2012
Waning, Disseminating Moon Age: 20 ¼ days.
Moon Void of Course.
Moon in 24th degree of the Sign, and 1st degree
of the Constellation of Virgo, the Virgin.
Moon Void of Course.
Moon in 24th degree of the Sign, and 1st degree
of the Constellation of Virgo, the Virgin.
Midheaven: 3:27 morn. Moonset: 9:43 morn. Moonrise: 10:10 eve.
the daily humorscope
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Arachnids will be especially troublesome today. Chances are only fair that you will make it through the day without tangling with one or more giant Amazonian tarantulas. Keep a stick within reach, is my advice. A big stick.
Although you will attempt to thwart your obsession (tying things up with twine) by avoiding twine for the entire day today, it will continue to plague your thoughts. In other words, you will not knot for naught.
You will wake with a start tonight, and hear a sound like that of a whole herd of capybara snuffling around in your closet. Fortunately, when you switch on the light, that will turn out to be all it is.
Today one or more close relations will pout. You will stoicly endure this, and will steadfastly refuse to relinquish control of the remote control.
You will feel an odd compulsion to stack books, symmetrically, in the public library. Try to resist it.
Someone will soon approach you with an idea. Stay well clear of it.
Someone who you really dislike, who is arrogance personified…will be nice to you. This is a good time to be afraid.
Good day to appreciate the beauty and wonder of life, and to see how far you can spit. Other people may find that incongruous, but you’ll see the inner truth, and it will set you free.
Paper airplane day, today. Have as much fun as you can stand — tomorrow will be ugly.
Try to avoid nibbling on things today. Despite recent developments, you don’t actually know your friend that well yet.
So, you’ve decided to have children. Congratulations! You, er, do know that giving birth has been somewhat unfavorably compared to pushing a flaming log through your nostril? Just thought I’d mention that.
Excellent time to start a new company, making software to help people with mental problems. You will call it SchizoSoft. Your motto: “Who Do You Want To Be Today?”
Moon Almanac For Thursday, Jan. 12
Lunabar Moon Almanack for Thursday, January 12, 2012
Waning, Disseminating Moon Age: 19 ¼ days.
Ascending Node is at 12° Sagittarius.
Moon in 10th degree of the Sign Virgo, the Virgin;
also in 23rd deg. of the Constellation Leo, the Lion.
Ascending Node is at 12° Sagittarius.
Moon in 10th degree of the Sign Virgo, the Virgin;
also in 23rd deg. of the Constellation Leo, the Lion.
Midheaven: 2:38 morn. Moonset: 9:12 morn. Moonrise: 9:03 eve.
the daily humorscope
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Today you’ll develop a rare mental disorder, causing you to mix metaphors. But don’t you worry — you can’t make an omlette without a silver lining, and in this case, you’ll discover that everyone will confuse mixed metaphors with management potential. BIG promotion in store.
Good day to remember your kinship with all living things. Except perhaps mildew. There’s no point in remembering your kinship with mildew, at least not today.
Excellent day to walk around wearing a white lab coat and carrying a clipboard.
Thrombosis. Beware. Also, your best friend will rush up and indicate by nonverbal means that Timmy is trapped under a log again.
Remember: loose lips sink ships. The really strange thing is, nobody’s ever been able to explain to me why ships have lips in the first place, especially if they’re that risky.
You’re fussing with your hair too much. Perhaps you should temporarily cut back on shampoo. Or at least demand real poo.
And old friend will call today, who you haven’t talked to in years. He’ll remind you that you owe him money.
To your chagrin and horror, you will find yourself humming along with “muzac” in the grocery store. It’s the beginning of the long slow slide, I’m afraid. Next stop: collecting “nick knacks”.
Today you will find a really big piece of lint in your pocket. That’s it, though, for today’s excitement.
You will make people squirm, today. Surprisingly, some of them will show remarkable talent at squirming.
Twelve freshly cut rods (made from ash) will be found in a peculiar pattern on the lawn. Two large black crows will watch you solemnly from the top of a parked VW Microbus. The weather will turn colder, and the air, although clear, will seem grey. Don’t worry, though, it’s probably nothing.
You will attain your dream of having your own cooking show, but it will become tiresome when you have to battle your way past people dressed as chickens to get into the studio each day.
the daily humorscopes for thursday, august 11th
the daily humorscope
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You’ll find more, and very “interesting”, uses for cocktail umbrellas today.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Do not leave home without a ball of twine, today. You won’t actually need it, but it’ll make you feel better to be prepared.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
As a joke, you will send off a resume for your dog to a company which wants to hire an extrusion manager. Surprisingly, he will not only get the job, but will earn more than you.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Good time to consider capitalizing on the wave of 70’s nostalgia that is sweeping the land. Why not try making shag carpeting? At least you should sit around in your beanbag chairs and discuss it.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Time to commit some random acts of kindness. I have developed an algorithm for this. The next time someone asks you for a quarter (or any small coin), take one out of your pocket, and toss it in the air. Heads, give it to them. Tails, put it back in your pocket, and tell them you haven’t got any. Or whatever – remember, the important thing is to be RANDOM.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Bad news: people think you’re becoming paranoid. Isn’t that just typical, though? I mean, they don’t even HAVE invisible malevolent air-squids spying on THEM, do they?
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Today will be a great day for bargains. For example, you’ll find a really amazing price on a flame-thrower, at the Army surplus store. A flame-thrower is one of those rare things that really creates a lasting first impression — so you should definitely get it.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
You will decide to change your life by taking up fishing. Unlike the average person, however, you will be “strictly bass”. One must have standards, after all.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
You will soon send off for plans to build your own hovercraft. Your scheme to disguise it as a giant floating eyeball is a bit silly, though. Personally, I’d make it look like you were wearing a giant hoop-skirt, in which case the engine sound and levitation might easily be passed off as a rather unfortunate case of intestinal gas.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)
You will notice an odd stone “egg” in an antique shop. Don’t bring it home. They’re very hungry right after they hatch.
Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)
What fun! You’ll be called in to a special meeting at work soon, where someone will have a “pink slip”. Sounds like party attire to me!
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Soon you will get into accounting, “just for the thrill of it”.
the daily humorscopes for wednesday, august 10th
the daily humorscope
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Good day to buy lava lamps at garage sales. Once in a life-time opportunity. Also, if you happen to spot a white 100% polyester leisure suit with bell-bottom pants and a really large lapel, buy it on the spot. I know *I* would love to have one.
Excellent day for a bubble bath. If you don’t have a little yellow rubber duckie, you’ll need to get that first, of course.
Today you shall laugh your bitter laugh. You’ll also sneeze your bitter sneeze.
You are about to have an idea of almost mind-boggling brilliance. Try to remain calm.
Today you will discover that you are capable of “channelling”, when you start spouting ancient sumerian curses at a short little dweeb who cuts you off in traffic. You will start taking notes in cuneiform.
Something will start to bother you, and you will eventually have to ask someone to explain it. The thing is, some birds have very acute hearing – so WHERE ARE THEIR EARS??
You will soon need to look older than you actually are. Bushy eyebrows generally do the trick. You’ll find that a little rubber cement and a pair of sleepy hamsters are just what you need.
Today you will receive an odd postcard from a long lost relative in Peru. He will invite you to come explore an ancient Incan ruin which he has discovered. Try not to be too impulsive — a better offer will soon arrive from a an old high school friend who is hiding out in a Burmese monastery.
You will hear screams coming from a Hungarian restaurant, while you are walking by. Don’t worry, though. That’s normal.
Your neighbor thinks his dog is so smart, it’s starting to bug you. The thing to do is cover a book with a book cover that says “Quantum Physics for Dogs”, and train your dog to lay next to it, along a pad of paper covered with scribbled equations and a chewed-on pencil…
Good time to invest in collectible things you never had any use for. Susan B. Anthony dollars may make a good start. (Unlike your usual investments, the value of those can only plummet so far…)
Your path divides soon. On the one hand lies potato salad, followed by severe pain, thrashing about, seizures, and a horrible death. On the other hand lies Cole slaw. It’s a pity that you don’t like Cole slaw.
the daily humorscope
Tuesday, August 09, 2011
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Today you will invent a new type of automated squid sorter, for use by professional squid fishermen. You will call it the Squid Pro Quo. That will be a mistake.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Remember to put a disclaimer at the bottom of your report, to say that it doesn’t necessarily reflect the views of your management, or, for that matter, of any other carbon-based life form.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
You will be forced to re-evaluate your boss’ IQ, when you discover that he is looking forward to the release of “Titanic II.”
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Watch out for vines, today. Sometime’s it’s hard to tell the difference between a vine and a creeper, until it’s too late.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Good day to call an old friend, and reminisce. (It turns out to be much much harder to reminisce with a new friend.)
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
It will turn out that someone you spend a great deal of time with is actually one of the last remaining Sinanthropus (Peking man), rather than an actual Cro-Magnon. This will explain things you’d been wondering about.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
As a joke, you will hold up a certain air freshener in a bank, today, and announce “this is a Stick Up!”. Later, you’ll have time to reflect upon the regrettable fact that law enforcement officials are sadly lacking in a sense of humor.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
While looking through comparative salary figures, who will discover that the job of “Villiage Idiot”, in many metropolitan areas, pays better than that of the mayor. Don’t even consider a career change, though — it’s a lot harder that it sounds.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
This week will find you explaining gender roles to the clueless. For example, men MUST continue to channel surf on the TV, no matter how interesting the show is that they stumble onto. Women must watch what shows up on the channel they’re watching, no matter how boring it is. It’s just how these things are done. Women commit and regret it. Men don’t commit and regret it. It’s in our genes. Some kind of adenine/guanine/trampoline chemical thingie.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)
This might be a good time to decide what you want to be when you actually do grow up. I’m guessing that you’d be best off as either a yodeling oceanographer, or possibly a bovine pathologist.
Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)
Pinch your pennies, this week. Next week: fondling your nickels.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
After an exciting trip to Jackson Hole, Wyoming, you’ll come up with a secret plan that will occupy you for many years to come. Yes – your very own Hole.
The Witchcraft Chronicles 
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