the daily humorscope
Friday, June 10, 2011
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You will have an enormously exciting day, today, compared to your usual day. You will find the prize
in the cereal box.
(April 20 – May 20)
Excellent day to pretend to have various infirmities. Pretending to have a hunchback is my personal favorite, and is often favorably combined with a drooling problem.
(May 21 – June 20)
Today you will be “mooned” by a cat. Fortunately, you won’t notice.
(June 21 – July 22)
Nothing unusual today. Unless you count that episode with the iguana…
(July 23 – August 22)
Excellent day for unfettered optimism. Tomorrow: fettered optimism.
(August 23 – September 22)
A friend will ask you to give her a ride to Main street. You’ll forget where you’re going, though, and drive her to Distraction.
(September 23 – October 22)
Time to commit some random acts of kindness. I have developed an algorithm for this. The next time someone asks you for a quarter (or any small coin), take one out of your pocket, and toss it in the air. Heads, give it to them. Tails, put it back in your pocket, and tell them you haven’t got any. Or whatever – remember, the important thing is to be RANDOM.
(October 23 – November 21)
Money will come from an unexpected source. If you put it in a mesh bag
and run it throught the washer
, you’ll get most of the smell out.
(November 22 – December 21)
Today you will finally get around to exercising! Your cat will look at you like you’ve gone completely wacky. Don’t be intimidated, though — at least you never get distracted and forget that you’re holding your leg up behind your head.
(December 22 – January 20)
Today you will find yourself boldly charging through life. That can actually get you in trouble, though, so you should really attempt to pay with cash.
(January 21 – February 18)
Twelve freshly cut rods (made from ash) will be found in a peculiar pattern on the lawn. Two large black crows will watch you solemnly from the top of a parked VW Microbus. The weather will turn colder, and the air, although clear, will seem grey. Don’t worry, though, it’s probably nothing.
(February 19 – March 20)
You should learn something from your cat — no matter what you’ve done wrong, you can always try to make it look like the dog did it.