the daily humorscope

 

Thursday, April 28, 2011

 

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You will call someone today, who will insist on calling you “Sven.” Humor them — act impressed.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
You will find an alien artifact behind the cushion in the sofa. Point the pointy end away from you, if you push the little bumpy thing. Personally, I’d just leave it alone.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Beware of cats, today. (Particularly black and white cats who sit next to you and pretend to be innocent. Those are the worst kind.)
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Inspiration will strike you, and leave you for dead. The police will do nothing.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Today you’ll go buy a white jacket, and start working towards your dream: the resurgence of Disco! And you’ll be successful, too! Yes, over the course of your life, you’ll get literally several people interested.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
If you aren’t careful, you may accidentally insult someone by a poor choice of words, and hurt their feelings. In particular, the expression “hideously deformed” may not be as neutral as you believe.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
You will be “on the move”, soon. Especially movements of a gastrointestinal nature, as it turns out. Good day to stay close to home.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Your friend will betray you today, and will hide from you under office furniture. Hey, don’t ask me. I just see the future, I don’t explain it.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Today you shall laugh your bitter laugh. You’ll also sneeze your bitter sneeze.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)
Your children will return, but they’ll be unnaturally quiet and good-natured. Eventually, you’ll discover how the switch was made.
Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)
You are about to start a band, with friends, which will be called “Rainy Daze”. You will choose that name primarily because one of your group simply doesn’t care for “Clenched Buttocks” as a band name.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
You will soon accidentally discover why it is that so many things “taste like chicken”. It’s because they ARE chickens, in clever disguises.

the daily humorscopes for april 22

 

Friday, April 22, 2011

 

Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Today someone sitting near you will make repeated nasal sounds that will eventually drive you screaming from the room. Try to avoid attacking them with a box of kleenex upon re-entering the room.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Oddly, despite the impression you gained from a television commercial, your new soap will not inspire unusual levels of grinning in the shower.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Bad day to feed the Bengal tiger. Let someone else do it, today. Probably just an “off” batch of the Purina Tiger Chow, but why risk it?
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
What goes around will come around, today. Metaphorically speaking, that is.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
People will stare at you today. Unknown to you, you are starting to look more and more like a large frog. A career in basketball may be in your future.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
This will be a very happy week for you. And you know what they’ve been saying about that for thousands of years, don’t you? “Happy Good! Me Like Happy!”
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Today you will suddenly realize how sensuous pudding can be. This will mark a turning point in your life.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Today you’ll become incensed at the thought that you missed out on all the fun during the 60’s and 70’s, and will change your name to “Sunflower” in protest.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Good day to go around “nudging” people.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)
Fortune will smile upon you today. Actually, it’s more of a smirk.
Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)
It’s ok to spill the wine today, if you feel you really have to. Under no circumstance should you dig that girl, however.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
You will be pestered by a small fluffy animal today. Don’t be taken in by appearances — it’s actually a mutant from outer space.

Blessed Full Moon

Blessed Full Moon

Author: Lady Wolfwind

Almost every full moon we celebrate. My children and I. My husband sometimes stands on the periphery as if he’s afraid to join in. It makes me sad to watch him. He’s always seemed a bit reluctant to allow himself to show what he truly believes. Afraid of what others may think of him, even in his private moments. So, he watches. He did participate in our Blue Moon Ritual. Almost as if he felt the significance of the moment, like we were on the cusp of something and it was too important to let pass. I feel that one day he may openly participate and feel comfortable in doing so.

This is really not a story about my husband and his beliefs. It is a story I would like to share with everyone about one witch’s experiences and how they happened. I must admit that we do not celebrate every full moon. I particularly do not like the oppressive summer heat of Florida and, I might add, the mosquitoes. Sometimes I am just too tired or overwhelmed by my mundane life to pay respect to the Goddess who is responsible for bringing it all to me.

Over time in my life, I have changed a great deal, as I’m sure we all have. A few years ago I had a very deep emotional wound that left me changed forever. This wound is what put me on this path with both feet, never to look back. I have found within me a deep peace. I watch people all around me and they try to fill the silent moments with whatever they can. I find that the silence speaks to me. It’s when I recharge my own batteries and feel the vibrations of the world around me.

I deal with people in my job 50 hours per week. Not only do I deal with our customers but my employees as well. It’s strange the way they talk to me. I sense their vibrations as soon as they enter the room. For one example, I was taking a lady’s order the other morning. She seemed to have a sense of sadness about her. I asked her if she was okay and she replied that “Yes, I am good. How are you?” I proceeded to tell her that all was well when she blurted out to me that her son had committed suicide a few years back. I instantly was thrown into a tailspin. I had felt the sadness but didn’t expect this woman to open up to me about something so personal. I told her that I was sorry for her loss and her pain. She told me that it was okay and that she had learned to move on. I felt that the sadness had never gone away.

So, the silence is very important to me. I am an empath. That is another story altogether. It’s not what I really want to write about. When I am not at work I shield myself from the world’s crazy vibrations. I surround myself with nature and animals. I feel their energy as well but it is a kinder, more natural vibration and it soothes me. There is not a day that goes by that I am not being followed by cats, dogs or chickens.

I very rarely invite people to my home. They leave their imprint behind. It interferes with the flow of energy that I feel here. It feels as if it is an intrusion. I know that I can banish this energy but I don’t want to be bothered with the disruption. It is like a momentum, I want it to keep its pace.

So, the night of the last full moon. This night had significant meaning. My husband was working so it was just the children and I. Goddess forbid if my son thinks I’ve forgotten the full moon. He reminds me all night. His excitement is palpable.

We were in the yard. We had set down our blanket. We had all of our necessary tools. Maybe not necessary tools by some people’s standards but enough for us. After all, the Goddess does not look down on us for not spending loads of money on fancy ritual tools. The witch of yesteryear made do with what she had on hand and we shall do the same.

We had our candle for fire, we had our salt for the earth, we had our incense for the air and we had our blessed water. My son cast the circle. We set the incense in the middle, my son carries fire, my daughter sprinkles water and I sprinkle the salt. We set the items at the appropriate directions and my daughter politely asks the Quarters to join us and I ask reverently for the Goddess to join us as well.

Once the circle is cast we sit in a circle and hold hands. We take turns thanking the Goddess for everything she has blessed us with the previous month. We speak of all that we are thankful for. The good and the bad. Then we silently sit and say our own silent thanks. After this we speak of all of the ills we would like to see changed and people we would like to see helped. We ask that She show us a path in which we may help her to do her work in the following month. We say thank you. My daughter asks the Quarters to return to where they came and my son returns the energy back to the earth.

It is a deeply healing time. It makes us aware of all we have to be thankful for while others suffer, sometimes by their own choosing without even knowing it. It helps my children learn to be ambassadors for peace in their world and that different is not always wrong.

I understand that all of this is a great story in and of itself but it is still not what I wish to speak of. At every Esbat the animals join us. The cats always join us in circle. They lie in the middle and look at us all with great love and respect. Sometimes we are joined by others as well. We have a fox that lives nearby and if you look out at the edge of the field, he stands there watching. We also have a family of raccoons and at times they will stand at the edge of the grass and curiously look on. On occasion, the owl provides his two cents as well.

I must add, that the first few times I witnessed this amazing audience, I was unnerved. After all, it was just my children and I. These were wild creatures and I have always been taught that they can be dangerous. The first few times we finished early and moved inside.

Lately I have been more at peace with these visitors. I have found peace with them and they are welcome. Maybe they just want to hear the words and in their own way they want to say thanks as well. They have never created any danger. They just sit and watch. I feel them there. They have something to say. I feel privileged to be trusted enough to have them witness the beauty of it all.

So there, you have the story. This is how it is here. This is our life. Not the life I have chosen but the one that I was called to. It is filled with pain and confusion at times but at others it is filled with beauty and wonder. I have found that the more I am aware of these things the more is revealed to me. Sometimes I feel afraid of what may be next. I know the Goddess will only give me what I can withstand and I place my full trust in Her. I am in awe of all She has to teach and I am envious of how gently she teaches it. I only wish that I had her gentle way with which to bring wisdom to others.

This is what I strive for. I feel that this is what she wishes from me. To just gently teach. To share small glimpses of what the world could be like if one would only stop and listen.

Blessed Be My Fellow Witches.

New Moon Report for April 17 – Full Moon in Libra

Full Moon in Libra

Sunday, April 17, 7:44 pm PDT, 10:44 pm EDT

The accommodating Libra Moon’s opposition to the Sun in self-reliant Aries brings relationship issues into the foreground. It’s an opportunity to gain clarity about how we give too much to others, undermining our own interests, and when unwillingness to compromise weakens partnerships. Libra’s sociable ruling planet Venus is in Pisces forms an awkward quincunx with the Moon, an aspect that increases uncertainty and encourages sacrifice. However, honest discussions help us to find the right balance between personal needs and mutual interests that inspire us to work and share with others effectively.

Daily Humorscopes

Friday, April 8th
 
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
As a joke today, you will get an alarmed expression on your face, crouch on someone’s carpet, and start making disgusting “huck, huck!” sounds. The joke’s on you, though, since they will insist that you eat some hairball remedy.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Today you will discover that you have no real friends. Or at least, that they don’t cast a shadow.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
You will write a newspaper article about the Internet today. Why not? Everybody else has.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Excellent day to be expansive and benevolent. It will make people worry.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
You look ridiculous in that. Go and change.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
You will vow to always tell the truth, but it will backfire on you. Most people find that kind of behavior highly suspicious, and more than a little deviant.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
You will mosey, this week. There’s nothing that wrong with moseying, after all, and it’s occasionally just what is needed. In fact, you’ll soon begin work on “Mosey Your Way To Fitness”, a best-selling self-help book on the topic.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Try to avoid nibbling on things today. Despite recent developments, you don’t actually know your friend that well yet.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)You will invent a new type of bath toy today. It will bring you fame and fortune, although it will also be the cause of an embarrassing appearance on the Letterman show.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) Excellent day to do something new with bean curd.
Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)
Avoid yodeling today.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)Your main problem? You’re not eating NEARLY enough strudel

New Moon Report for 3/20 – Sun in Aries

Sun in Aries

Sunday, March 20, 4:21 pm PDT, 7:21 pm EDT

This new astrological year is supercharged by the Sun’s conjunction with Uranus and Jupiter’s presence in the zodiac’s risk-taking sign Aries. Impulsiveness and originality are riding high and motivated by itches for change. It’s time to reinvent ourselves with updated looks and fresh attitudes. The desire for freedom is so strong that it’s difficult to take orders, which can provoke conflict with authorities. Yet this hunger for stimulation encourages bolder behavior such as starting a new business or a taking relationship in a totally different direction. Being a pioneer is sometimes lonely but it’s often easier to fly solo when exploring new territory.