I Am A Witch! Hear Me Roar!
Author: Diana Midnight
I remember when I was a little girl; I used to ask my mother why we never went to church like other families. My mother used to come up with various excuse, and I kept asking anyway.
Later in life I became friends with the little Christian girl down the street. If I wanted to spend the night on Saturdays they told me I had to go to church with them the next day. I didn’t mind, it was a new experience in my life, and I had always wanted to go. Since we were younger kids, we got to go to youth group. They talked about god and did booklets; by the end of the class they did trivia.
Being stuck watching OPB all my life, I learned a lot about all religions and they had lots of stories from the Bible. Anyway, while my friend goofed off I listened to the teacher. For some reason things didn’t feel right. It felt wrong as soon as I stepped inside the building, I couldn’t breathe and I felt judged. Despite my discomfort, I was respectful and used my manners. I helped my friend answer all the questions, even though she should of known the answers herself. At the end of class, before we were allowed to leave, the teacher asked us a very personal question. “Have you excepted Jesus Christ into you heart?”.
It was said to the whole class, but seeing as I was the new kid, I knew it was directed at me. She told us that if anyone hadn’t that we should all close our eyes and raise our hand. I slowly raised my hand. I knew that for me that this was a brave move. I was the only one. She told us to put down our hands and open our eyes. Our eyes met and she told the class (Well, just me really.) that if we wanted to accept Jesus into our heart we could stay after class and talk to her.
When my friend and I were at the door she looked at me and gave me the meanest most judgmental look I had ever seen. I was glad to get out of there; I knew that I could never be a Christian. After that experience, I was ashamed to claim any religion as my own. I felt that they were all to judgmental and that I’d rather spend my time out in nature.
I’ve always loved nature. Night or day, sunny or cloudy, wet or dry…It’s all so beautiful, so MAGICAL. I could sit in one spot for hours, just laying in the grass and listening to the animals or playing in the water and making images in the sand. In a way, I was always a Pagan, a Witch. But I never put a label on my love for nature, for the Earth.
Watching the moon and stars was just a hobby: hikes and walk in the park just something I did for fun. Gardening. That was what first got my interested in Wicca and Paganism. I could make anything grow, and the results were amazing. I wanted to learn more. I started reading books on herbs and natural medicine. I went online a lot, because I often kept library books too long and my late fees were amazing (and not in a good way.) . I often stumbled onto a few Wiccan websites talking about using herbs for magick as well as medicine. I was…intrigued. I just couldn’t help myself.
Herb lore was an important thing in natural medicine. We wouldn’t have figured out more then half of the things in modern medicine if it weren’t for fork lore. Well, after a while I started to read about the other parts of Wicca. I read everything I could find or put my hands on. The library was limited for Wicca. Judaism and Christianity books filled the shelves, and I found only three books. Sad, I know.
The web was my only unlimited source. But before you get the good you must first sift through the bad. Which is a lot of work, and takes hours upon hours to work through. If I saw sites that spelled magick as “magic”, I ignored them. I ignored websites with free love spells and that told you if you buy their services you could get back your ex or become rich. I focused on the spiritual part of the religion, and that cut out all the weirdoes and creeps. I studied and studied, never stopping, always reading and learning.
Finally, after much study, I decided to call myself a Pagan. It felt as if a great weight was lifted from my shoulders, and as if my spirit was lighter. It felt RIGHT. It was if I was always meant to be Pagan. I was 13 years old by then. 2 years had passed before I was brave enough and sure enough of myself to claim such a strong connection to the Earth and others. I kept telling myself, you’re a WITCH! My passion for my religion made my heart sing, it was the deep bass of thunder, a lions roar. It could never be contained!
Of course I had to tell my family, I was so proud of myself. My father took it well; he wasn’t surprised at all. My mother…well, she was raised Catholic. I don’t think she even took me seriously, or if she did she thought I was crazy. My little brother was (and still is) rude and told his friends that I only thought I was a Pagan and didn’t even celebrate the holidays. Little did he know, I had been celebrating them for years. As for my big brother, he thought I was an idiot. I knew he wanted me to be a Christian, and like my childhood friend, probably thought (and still thinks) I’m going to Hell.
Personally, I not worried. I’m not sure if my big brother ever found out, but his wife (now his ex) after finding out, gave me a small spell book. “The little book of spells” was cute but very cliché. I loved it, it had novelty and it showed that not all Christians thought the same about Wiccans/Pagans. It showed that I had the love and respect of my sister in law.
I’ve been a Pagan for 6 years now, and I will be forever more. I am proud of myself and what I’m apart of. I shall never be ashamed to be me. We are all Earth’s children, and all of us have a need for faith. Even if we hear our wisdom from different voices. That little Christian girl and me are still best friends, despite religious differences. She listens instead of tuning out when I mention something involving my religion. I do the same for her, and I believe no matter what we need to listen to others even if we don’t want to hear it.
I’ve been working on a Book of Shadows for a few months now. My love of poetry has really helped with that, and with all I know about herbs my book is filling fast. I’m hoping that one day I can share the Earth’s wisdom with my children and grandchildren, and hopefully they do the same.
May the Goddess bless you and light your path in your times of darkness.
Blessed Be! XOXO